Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Lost and Found

Author's Summary. After 10 years as a pastor, David was burned out and stuck in a life and marriage that lacked passion. His desire for an intimate partnership led him to leave his mistress of ‘ministry’ and run into the arms of a real-life mistress — his wife’s best friend. After moving in with one another and spending forty days together, the woman abruptly left to go back to her husband and four kids, and David’s life hit rock bottom.

This first-hand account of what led to his burnout and life implosion takes the reader on a raw and intimate journey…from illicit affair to hospitalization and ultimately to reconciliation with his wife and family. This is a powerful story of redemption that will leave the reader both challenged and inspired.

Review. Appearances are often deceiving. On the outside David Trotter had it all: loving wife and children; leader of a successful church; and countless friends/parishioners. However, on the inside, his life was imploding. Lost and Found details the author’s self destruction and eventual recovery.

After a decade as a pastor and thirteen years of marriage, Trotter’s “care bucket” was empty. All he wanted was out: out of his marriage and out of his career. And in the curse of answered prayers, the opportunity arose in the form of his wife’s best friend. On an extended trip to India with a few parishioners, Trotter becomes emotionally involved with the friend. Shortly thereafter, he leaves his wife and his flock for the “other woman.” In an unexpected twist, however, the “best friend” returns to her husband. This leads to Trotter’s hospitalization for major depression and suicidal impulses. After he is released, Trotter begins to pick up the fragments of his life. As part of his journey he seeks to reconcile with the family he abandoned. To his credit Trotter does not want to return to his old ways and patterns, but rather to connect in a new way as a full partner-spouse and an involved parent.

Lost and Found is a raw book that is written to reflect the author’s feelings at the moment being recounted. As the Trotter notes:

“Rather than sanitize my experience, I have chosen to tell it as I remember it. My desire is that you will experience the highest ‘highs’ and the lowest ‘lows’ as I search for the life that I always wanted. In my opinion, the power of my redemption is fully experienced against the backdrop of the depravity of my search.”

Reading Lost and Found I often found myself wondering what Laura (Trotter’s wife) felt at the time. While I realize that this is Trotter’s story and that the book does include an afterword by her, I missed her perspective – especially in her courageous decision to forgive and reconcile.

Nevertheless, Lost and Found is a noteworthy book about how to recover from a disastrous decision. In particular, it is a powerful testimony about how to revive a marriage left for dead due to a partner’s infidelity. Divorce is not the only option. There can be a path to healing and redemption.

Kudos to David Trotter for sharing his story in Lost and Found!

Review copy provided courtesy of the author.


  1. Okay, maybe it's me, but I'll just say that this is a perfect example of "the life is not always greener on the other side". This would not be a book I would read, but your review was great Kim.

  2. Great review -- I agree, though, tough to not hear the wife's perspective on this one. I wonder why she wasn't included in it? Not sure if this is a book I would read, though. I agree with Bibliophile by the Sea -- the grass is not always greener.

  3. Not a book for me, but i enjoyed your review.

  4. Wow, that does sound like quite a story. I wonder about his wife as well.

  5. I'm not sure if I could get through it. Sounds like a very personal story.

  6. My wife and I read this book and I believe that reading this book is a good step towards affair-proofing your marriage.

  7. Infidelity is a very very very touchy subject. I don't know if I would be so forgiving and especially since he left her for her best friend. What a fiasco... the complete chaos for everyone involved in this situation. I feel for his wife and am amazed that they were able to overcome this. More power to them.